Deborah Tannen's essay, "But What Do You Mean?", discusses the ways men and women differ when holding a conversation with the opposite sex. Tannen explores seven topics of discussion where men and women differ from including; apologies, criticism, thank-yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes. Tannen uses anecdotes, expert opinions, and contrasts to show how women and men would differ in a conversation. Tannen's contrasts range from women being more sensitive when holding a conversation with someone from men being straightforward in a conversation, and not holding back the truth. Tannen claims that women tend to take the other person's feeling's into account when talking with him or her; while me on the other hand, don't. Tannen's essay serves to show how one can have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex and still get his or her point across without confusing the other person.
Do you think Tannen feels critical towards the way men tend to hold their conversations?
How do you think Tannen's essay can help with conversational boundaries presented in her essay between men and women?
What does Tannen mean when she say's that "men are designed to maintain the one-up position, or at least avoid appearing one-down"?
anecdote: I recently sat in on a meeting at an insurance company where the sole woman, Helen, said "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" repeatedly. At one point she said, "I'm thinking out loud. I apologize." (391)
diction: Although the problem might have been outright sexism, I suspect her speech style, which differs from that of her male colleagues, masks her competence. (391)
irony: When you state your ideas, you hedge in order to fend off potential attacks. (393)
metaphor: When the other speaker doesn't reciprocate, a woman may feel like someone on a seesaw whose partner abandoned his end. (392)
personification: "Troubles Talk" can be a way to establish rapport with a colleague. (394)
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